“HOLIDAYS WITHOUT”

I know what it is like to be missing someone during the holidays. Whether they are away from home or no longer with us it can be a very tough time of year. I can remember the first Christmas without my mother. How hard it was to enjoy that holiday without one who did so much to make that time of year so special. The little trimmings were not out, the attention to detail missing and the dishes only mama could make not available. It was the greatest loss I had ever known, but it was the beginning of the greatest healing I had ever experienced in my life.

In my search to fill my life with the void I felt the loss of my mother caused, I discovered an even greater void in my life. I discovered a void that was always there, but I never realized until now. My mother and I were very close. I was the last of seven children. There was six years difference between myself and the next sibling. Mom was 43 years old when she gave birth to me. Being good Catholics, mom and dad did not believe contraception to be an option. So with five boys and a six year old little girl I arrive on the scene to bless the Prominski Family. My father was a hard worker and promised my mother that if she put the food on the table he would keep money in the account.

As much as I knew I was not planned, I knew that there was a destiny about my life that was unavoidable. As a little boy I would tie a small blanket around my neck and play priest. I would remove the crust from the bread, roll it together and flatten it out making little hosts or communion wafers. I would then serve communion to whoever was in the house. As I had seen so many times before, I would say, “Body of Christ” and place the flattened piece of bread on their tongue. Everyone would laugh everyone except my mother. I believed she knew then what I know today and that is that there was a call of God on her little unplanned pregnancy.

When I found my mother dead and performed CPR on her nothing was ever the same again. It seemed like everything bad sped up in life. My father’s alcoholism, our family began to distance themselves from each other and I turned to alcohol and drugs like never before. Feeling like I had nothing to lose I went for it and experienced things that I might have been afraid to experience before. I liked being under the influence because it helped me forget all the stuff even if it was only for a moment. I also noticed that I got sadder and sadder. I am sure I was border line depressed because genuine laugher came so hard for me then. It was in this time that my sister kept telling me about her church. She was all happy and peaceful like I had never known her to be in an almost scary way. She was a different person and that freaked me out because I knew her well, she was the next closest in age to me. Growing up she was usually responsible for taking care of me when I was little. She was the last one to leave the house and get married so we knew each other well. When she started going to this church of hers she changed. She seemed happier and more content than she ever did and she would say off the wall things like she wasn't afraid of dying because she knew she would see mom again. One day she asked me if I wanted to go to church with her and her family. She said she would never bother me again if I went just this once. So I said I would go. The third time I went I asked Jesus into my heart and my life was forever changed.

All of that to say that the death of my mother, as sad as it was, was also the beginning of the rest of my life. It exposed my need for God that was buried beneath my pride and selfishness. The loss of my mother forced me to think about my own life. I was open to God because my heart was soft and I was in need of change. As much as I miss my mother during the holidays I can think on them with joy because her death brought life to me. Maybe the passing of a loved one resulted in your salvation or much needed maturity. I am grateful that my mother is with Jesus and I am sure she’s blessed knowing that she did see right when she considered that there could be a call of God on my life. There is healing from God in a time of loss. I am so glad I turned to Jesus in my time of loss. I am a blessing today because of Who I turned to then.